Those Phrases shared by My Dad Which Rescued Us during my time as a New Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider inability to open up among men, who still hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."